10 Questions About Roger Goodell Running the NFL Draft From His Basement

So good old Roger Goodell is going to conduct the NFL Draft from his basement in an undisclosed location someplace in New York. Now I’m sure Goodell’s basement is actually not a typical basement. I imagine Goodell has one of those prototypical man cave bars that is fully loaded with a ton of whiskey, bourbon and how hard to pronounce wine. The bar probably also includes a see-through mini-refrigerator which is fully loaded with Bud Light Seltzer that Goodell never drinks.

Goodell’s basement must have a bunch of one of a kind custom furniture of which one piece is probably shaped like a football. I’m also willing to bet there is a $100k golf simulator somewhere in his sprawling basement. I predict his basement is at least 3,000 square feet. 

As for the walls, they are probably covered in a mix of glass mirrors and expensive paintings that only makes sense to the artist or to Goodell after he has downed several glasses of Macallan Sherry Oak 25 Whisky. You know the whiskey that is aged for 25 years and features hand-picked sherry seasoned oak casks which according to Macallan delivers an intensely rich and full flavor character, citrus, dried fruits, and wood smoke in every sip.

As you might imagine I have a bunch of questions about Goodell’s basement and the virtual draft. Let’s do this. 

1. Does Roger Goodell have a New England Patriot shrine in his basement? Is there any evidence of Tom Brady or Bill Belichick’s gear rolling around his basement? Seriously, wouldn’t it be great if the TV crew actually captures a replicate of Tom Bradys missing Super Bowl LI jersey hanging on the wall? The jersey was allegedly found, or was it?

2. Will Goodell actually feel the need to wear a suit and tie into his basement, or will he go with one of those cheesy NFL branded golf polos or maybe he pulls out a gold plated bathrobe from the Ritz Carlton? I bet Vegas has a prop bet on this one!    

3. Does Goodell bowl? If yes, does he have his own lanes in his basement like Lady Gaga?

4. Will Goodell be booed by his own family?  My hope is the NFL allows a few social distancing fans into his basement to boo him throughout the entire first round.

5. Will we see an old Papa Johns Pizza box?

6. Does Goodell have a life-size wax replica of the Bud Light Knight in his basement? I heard a rumor, but was unable to confirm!

7. How many ball pumps and deflated footballs will we see?

8. Since this is a joint broadcast between The NFL Network and ESPN, will Goodell be wearing a pair of classic Air Jordans?

9. When Goodell holds-up a team jersey and presents it to a just drafted player virtually, will any of them have a Tom Brady poster strategically positioned behind them?

10. In the event, there are technical difficulties, and you know there will be.  Will Goodell gets so frustrated that he starts quoting Bob Uecker’s Harry Doyle character from the film Major League. I want to hear Goodell say “ah the hell with it” just once during the first round.